I've spent some time reminiscing with some old journal entries/reflections. It's amazing how much encouragement one can get from old journals. Here is a composition from an English class I took in 2009.
The greatest battle a man will ever fight is the one between himself
and the person he sees as he looks in the mirror. Who am I? For what
purpose am I here? How did I get here? Considering the things I have
done, would God, who is without flaw, love me? Furthermore, would He
use me? To continue, I shall reference a prose, entitled “This is
Life.”
and the person he sees as he looks in the mirror. Who am I? For what
purpose am I here? How did I get here? Considering the things I have
done, would God, who is without flaw, love me? Furthermore, would He
use me? To continue, I shall reference a prose, entitled “This is
Life.”
This is life,
Living with God,
Fellowship with the Most High,
To represent Jesus,
To be the fullness of what God endowed us with,
To be you the best way you know how,
Being you entails knowing Him,
Knowing Him is life.
As a Christian, I have struggled with identity, with specific regard
to finding my niche in life. Pursuing my discipline seemed to
contradict my pre-conceived notion of doing the will of God. However,
in the same manner that Sonny in James Baldwin’s “Sonny’s Blues” finds
his niche in music, I find mine in pursuing science God’s way. Being
a Christian demands that I be myself.
In early twentieth century Harlem, New York City, the narrator
receives tragic news that his brother, Sonny, was arrested for heroin
use and distribution. In great shock, he hesitates to even make
contact with Sonny. When Sonny does finally receive some type of
correspondence, he is enthralled. He moves in with his
sister-in-law’s family—Isabel’s family. The narrator reflects upon
some precious moments with His Daddy and Mama. Mama made him promise
to never forget Sonny, nothing horrible would happen to him. Later
on, Sonny declares his desire to become a jazz musician. It is the
only profession he wants to pursue. While at Isabel’s, Sonny
persistently plays music, to the point of annoying the ones he lives
with. His love for music gets in the way of his education. When he
is finally confronted, he is deeply hurt. Soon, Sonny and his brother
find themselves in a heated quarrel. After some time apart, the two
reunite and make some peace. Sonny takes the narrator to a nightclub
in which he will perform. Upon the story’s denouement, the narrator
asserts his approval as he sees Sonny’s prowess of music (James
Baldwin).
Coming from a place where a keen emphasis is placed on ecclesiastical
work, I found myself in a conflict of calling. Should I solely pursue
ecclesiastical work and forsake all other aspirations? I constantly
faced such questions. James Baldwin develops the character of Sonny
as one who emphatically follows his heart concerning his gifting in
music; he’s rather headstrong about his mission.
Sonny asserts a profound reality of existence. “’I think people
ought to do what they want to do, what else are they alive for?’”
(Baldwin). That statement struck me to the core, and God ministered
to my heart. He is not limited to one medium to propagate His truth
to His world. He can and will use my unique aspirations, which were
authored by Him, to be effective in the word, “into every man’s
world.” Unknown aspects of my being awaken as He speaks to me and
uses me in ways I thought He would not. It is in the place of
offering my unique essence unto God that I come alive.
Just like a musician masterfully makes music with His instrument, God
works through us. To paraphrase the chorus of David Phelps’ song
“Virtuoso,” my heart is God’s instrument and the life I live is the
song He composes. Also a virtuoso of words, James Baldwin
stylistically illustrates the relationship. The text reads,
And, while Creole listened, Sonny moved, deep within exactly like
someone in torment. I had never before thought of how awful the
relationship must be between the musician and his instrument. He has
to fill it, this instrument with the breath of life, His own. He has
to make it do what he wants it to do (Baldwin).
James Baldwin effectively communicates the truth of staying true to
oneself in “Sonny’s Blues.” God has shown me that truly seeking Him
necessitates that I be true to who I am, the essence of the man that
He has made me to be. If I seek to conform to the container cast by
my surroundings, the purpose of existence is defeated and I will fail
to live life to the fullest. If life is but a breath, I do not want
to waste it. In seeking to be both a Christian and myself, I have
found that the only way to do so is to let God be the musician, even
if others may argue that the song composed is not in harmony with
their conception of God’s will.
**James Baldwin's "Sonny's Blues" was taken from the following Anthology:William, Epperson, and Hall Mark, comp. Encounters: Readings for Advanced Composition. First. Dubuque: Kendall Hunt Publishing, Print.
